You came into my sons life uninvited. He is only five years old, and doesn't even know who you are. But he knows what you've done. So do I. And he doesn't understand why.
Neither do I.
I hate you.
I hate you.
You have turned our lives upside down and inside out, over and over again. You are relentless. You are cold hearted. You really know how to destroy everything in your path. But I have found a weakness with you. You don't like us fighting. Whenever we get that one step ahead of you, you kick us back ten more steps. And then you kick again and again, until we fall and don't want to fight.
I know you don't care either way. People may think that us fighting proves victory. But you don't look at it that way. You know you have us beat. And you know your survivors live for the rest of their lives with permanent, horrible effects from you, and the drugs that fight you.
What do you want from us? What do you want from my child? You have already taken a year. You have taken us from our home and our solitude. You have taken our sanity away. And it isn't us giving you control! It's you... taking it.
We live with this because we have no choice. We fight you because we can't just sit and let you do your work quicker.
If I could see you, if I could touch you... you would be in permanent agony.
You think you are smart cancer. You think because you can trick us and beat us down, you are special. You think by making my son suffer with sickness, and taking the hair from his body, makes you special. You are wrong. And I will show you who is special. Our little boy is. You may be able to take everything else we ever had, but there is one thing you can't.
Our love.
You- can't- take- our- love.
Well cancer, now you've asked for war. A war I am prepared for. On my sons behalf, I will do anything I can to destroy you. You will not like me. And the only way to my son, will be through me. Aiden may not understand the gravity of your demented sickness, but his mommy and daddy do. And we will destroy you. Whether it be literally, or mentally, you will have no hold on us.
Through your unfortunate appearance dear cancer, we know now what is real. We are full of knowledge we would have never had if it wasn't for you. We are stronger than so many in this world. And because of you, we could have a PhD in the big C. We know all about you. And you will regret spreading yourself more and more around this world. For the more you do it, the closer we will get to destroying you. I can say something about you cancer. You pick some intelligent, inspiring people to attack. That wont help you in the end.
I can't imagine life without you now. What things were like before. What they will be like later. No matter what you will never be forgotten. You are out to corrupt everyone you can, and everything in your path.
You will only make us smarter. You will only make us stronger. You will only make us better. You only make us love each other more, and hold each other closer. You are not going to get away with this. You better back down cancer, now.
At the end of your time, you will be laid out and vulnerable, dissected and dead.
You... Cancer...
You are a life-affirming treatise on the eternity of love.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
-It is Written-
In order, (in a not so orderly, conventional, or good way): 1 http://mycrimsonreverie.blogspot.com/2008/09/still-untitled.html
10
They sat down at a small pub about a half a mile from the incident. "The Lennox?" She said trying to make up for the lull between them. "Seems quaint."
"Yes." He said with his eyes fixed on the bartender who was making their drinks.
"What was that out there Cal?" She was hesitant. "There was a third man, next to the flour mill. he was watching me. Did you see him?"
"Yes, Beth, I did--"
"Two Martinis, very cold!" The bartender winked as she turned away to help another customer.
Beth shifted her eyes slowly from the bartender back to Cal. She stared at him.
Cal finally spoke. "He's a scared man."
"He scared me." She said looking into her glass.
"I was there."
"But you can't always be. You aren't. Please teach me Cal. I only know so much."
"You are asking for a lot from me Beth. And as I recall, you didn't help me when I asked you for your... talent." He took quite a gulp from his drink and she could tell he enjoyed it.
Beth is a spiritual woman. Definitely not religious. And she knows a great deal about different practices. She is known for her techniques in visualization and concentration. In other words, she can send energies to another, or take theirs. Everything to do with energies, from emotion, to objects in the mind, she can give and receive. She can make two minds, or more, become one together.
"It's complicated." She said feeling horrible. "I didn't want to, uh..." She felt stupid now. "I didn't want to open up a link between us, that I might not have been able to close." She looked down and took quite a gulp herself. "And, I don't know what you were looking for, there was no explanation." She swallowed yet another gulp, and twinged from the levity of their night.
He only looked at her with half a smile. Like he was trying to read her mind. Or he really was in her mind.
"You didn't tell me why you wanted... what you were--" She sighed feeling an agony talking about it.
"Cal, please, who was that man? Does he know what we did to Bill?" She kept her eyes on his better now.
"What Bill did to you, you mean?" He had to fix what she said. He continued. "He is a man. A cruel man and a smart man. One you wont have to worry about." He stared at her intently.
"But... you do." She wanted to tell him that she cared, that she didn't like to worry about him. That she didn't like him worrying. But it came with their territory, it came with the two of them. There was always worry.
"I don't worry. I dispose of my worries properly."
"Or improperly! You act like you are talking about your dinner leftovers." She knew what his reaction would be.
"Maybe I am. And maybe we should talk about making an agreement." He watched a younger couple in a booth nearby start to make out.
She could agree to anything he said.
She sighed and looked at him genuinely, starting to feel helpless. She hoped it didn't show. "What kind of agreement, dear Cal?" She gave a little smile, then drank almost to the bottom of her drink. She felt the burning in her stomach and it opened her up.
Cal was more than an artist and a fighter; he was a best kept secret. One you wouldn't want to share with anyone.
He flicked water off his fingers from his sweating glass. "I'll teach you all you want to know about fighting. But you have to promise to never use it. Only, and I mean only, use it if you have no other way..." He finished his drink and kept the cup close to him so the bartender wouldn't interrupt. "...I also want you to share with me your talent. Give me your best. And not just one time. But, really show me."
He knew she wouldn't question him. He knew she would accept.
She knew he was letting his guard down. She knew he trusted her.
That was enough to make her agree. Though she was scared to say yes yet, for she didn't know if she could control the fight in her. She didn't know if she could promise him that.
She looked deep into his eyes, feeling an energy in her already want to travel into his body. So she looked away. She had to say yes.
"I see a piano over there. I wonder if it's as good as the one Larry bought me?" She stood up and stretched, then tilted her head and touched his knee. "Want to check it out with me?" She pulled her hand up and felt a magnetism.
The look on his face was inexplicable. She always wished she could ask him what he was feeling. But she knew his control would never let her know. And that was okay with her. It always was.
He stood up and they headed toward the upright deep cherry piano. It was a Sterling. The last real one was made in 1926. Real ones were made in Connecticut. Copied ones were from New York. This one, was a real one.
"Okay Cal, it's a deal." She looked at the keys and sat on the bench, letting her fingers graze them lightly.
"I'm glad." He said while watching her.
She started playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, with her own little twist.
He stood behind her, in a protective way, and just listened.
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