Bloody Snow

"What the hell are you doing?" Cal looked at Beth who was sitting in the cold with blood drops around her in the snow. She wouldn't move.

"Beth... what are you doing? We have to take care of this."

"Mittens?" She said stoically, holding up the empty red pair to him.

"Why are you bleeding? What's going on? It's been three days. We can't wait any longer." Beth turned away and tucked the mittens into her bag. She moved her hair from her face with difficulty because of her mittens, and the cold. She wanted so bad for Cal to hold her, but he wasn't the type. Though he would probably do it with his eyes. He spoke with his eyes a lot.

"You need to do this with me, you asked for my help. My help is to teach you."

"Teach me? I'm lost in a land far away Cal. I'm finding it hard to care about anything these days. In fact, the only thing I do care about is the fact that I can't care about anything." She looked at him to see what his eyes said... nothing.

"You cared when we beat that dirt bag. You had plenty of emotion." He looked at her now with more talkative eyes. She felt a little pressure come off of her chest when she noticed.

"That dirt bag should have been killed. By my own hands." She looked down angrily.

"We don't kill people." His arms lay by his sides and his breathing was even. She stared at the cloud that came every time he exhaled.

"I'm getting too cold." She said while searching for a cigarette in her bag. One left. She ripped her mittens off and touched the filter to her lips, lit it, and inhaled deeply. She hated smoking in front of him, and all together. Three days ago, one more blow and the dirt bag would have died. Just one more; that Cal wouldn't let Beth throw. "Do you like my snowman Cal?" She looked at the snowman realizing he was missing a nose and mouth. "Only I could manage to forget the face."

Cal laughed one 'heh' and held his hand out to her. Beth threw her cigarette and blew out her last drag. She grabbed her bag and grabbed his hand forcing the energy to stand up. He helped her.

"Get your hat and scarf." He said nodding to the snowman. She looked at the sparkling balls of snow..."I'm fine." she said shrugging. "You know this is my space Cal? My solitude. How did you find me here?"

His eyes were somber. "I heard you crying."

"How could you have known where I was though?" She looked at him flustered.

"We are friends... Beth. We are..." he had a weird look to his face, "we are friends."

She knew she wasn't going to get an answer from him, but it didn't bother her. Cal was an intelligent man. Her terrible esteem made her wonder sometimes why he was in her life. But she would never question him, for she regarded him as... she regarded him very highly.

"How's your cut?" He looked at her concerned. She felt her body shiver, and not from the cold, but from his voice.

She touched it with her two fingers feeling the thick dried up layer of liquid. "I'll survive." She replied.

"Good." He said with a slight smile. "Are you ready?"

She shook her head and they trailed through the snow side by side. She still had no answers. But she was on a mission to find them.

A Jingle

So, everyone... I realize I haven't posted in awhile, and I realize we all hate when people don't update their blogs... here's something. Though I have a little curb going on right now... I can't seem to stop singing the Bounty paper towel jingle. Enjoy! And Happy Holidays.



She is here to try and hold back her hurt. She's becoming cold, and she's trying to decipher this change she feels. This is her solitude. This is her snow globe.

Her mittens are blue with a red heart in the center. They keep her fingers toasty while she touches the snow. She looks up as if falls all around her, hitting her eyelashes and dripping down her cheeks. She has a blue hat, and red scarf to match. It takes her an hour to finish the snowman. She loves the gentle memories of being a child in winter time.

She gives him two rocks for eyes, and shivers while taking her scarf and hat off, to put on him. Her phone rings unexpectedly. She pulls it out of her pocket and on the third ring hits silent, so she doesn't have to hear it ring anymore.
For she's empty.

Her other pocket holds a gingerbread man wrapped in a paper towel. She made many the night before. He has blue eyes and blue buttons. His sleeves and legs are adorned with white frosting. She looks at the cookie and has no room for thought about anything other than the fact that there is a home made gingerbread house sitting on the counter in her home, unfinished.
She bites the head off of her ginger bread man just like a child would, and chuckles to herself at how good it tastes to behead a cookie.

The snow flakes are getting bigger. Her snowman already has a layer of fresh snow on him. Any sign of her hands working hard on him are now diminished.
She sits next to a small evergreen finishing her cookie. Now she's starting to think more. The five W's plague her mind. Why? Who?-- but especially the added H, how?

She looks down at the empty red mittens next to her. She wants to cry so badly. The snowflakes do it for her. She rubs her arms and runs her cheek along the top of her shoulder to try and comfort herself. What is going on? She doesn't even know.
All she knows is that there is no one that understands her. No one who is like her.
How will she cope with this for her life? How will this, being alone, not turn into loneliness? The ground beneath her starts to shake and she puts both of her hands on the tree to sturdy herself. Her face crashes against the rough trunk and cuts her chin.

Things settle again, as it snows more. She she's drops of blood fall into the snow, and realizes the cut is not going to stop bleeding anytime soon. She is happy to have the towel with her that her cookie sat in. She holds the towel over her wound. And something snaps. She starting crying. Crying and crying. Happy as ever that no one was around to hear her. She continued to cry until her eyes became swollen and her voice became hoarse. She heard footsteps in the snow behind her.

Who? This is her solitude.
She decides not to move an inch until she has answers to her questions.
Frozen, in her globe.

A Wish and a Gift

"I am scared of him." She speaks while wrapping her caramel colored hair around her finger.

"What Beth? What do you have to be scared of?" Her head is hung low and I lean my head and shoulders down so as to make eye contact with her.

"You just wont get it, you wont." She gets up and strolls to the window staring out it. She knew I 'got it'. "You. You are like a dream Cal. A perfect dream. We'd be perfect together you know."

"Perfect, yes. That would be a bad thing though. We'd need something to argue about... or something." I feel my heart getting heavy and I try to ignore it. "You know it just wouldn't be right." I sigh, knowing we both have this understanding.

"Of course I know, or we would have been together ages ago. We are like... two gay people, that have... uh--." She paused and looked away from the window, at me.

"We have knowledge." I say with almost no mood. None anyone could decipher anyway.

"I can go with that." She smiled playfully.

"So, what does he need? What do you need?" I say to figure out what my role shall be tonight.

"I'm in deeper than you think Cal..."

"I'm sure." I figured as much. Such a wonderfully bright girl she is. Beautiful. And always mixed up in things out of her league.

"You see, I was awake, little to his knowledge. He was taking advantage of Lily in that nasty hotel bathroom. Did we ask for it?" I could only see her long hair down her back and her legs. But I didn't need to see her face, to hear the depth in her voice. "Our job was done Cal, he paid us, we were through. He just wanted us to sleep there with him. Paid extra for it." She said this all with such hesitance. I felt she was hiding something.

She looked at me with guiltiness swimming around in her eyes. "I'm not a hooker Max. I don't do these things. And neither does Lily. We are dancers. We dance."

"Are you convinced?" I say gently, again with no mood.

"What? Well, I don't want you to th--." She took a deep breath. "Cal, she and I had a few in us. Had a pill or two in us. I was irate he was hurting her." I could tell now, more than a few minutes ago, she was scared. Maybe there's more to the story. "And this isn't the first time he's hurt one of our girls. He's hurt me too. But the boss insists--"

"What do you need Beth?" She knows I am always here. A kind of... guardian. I get up to pour more coffee into my white mug.

Again she takes a breath. "Come here." She said. "Please, j-- just come here."

I felt a rush of something go through me. I stare at the black in my mug. This isn't a good feeling. This wasn't her job, not at all. I am the one. It is my duty. Just like when we were children, and I saved her from that bully in school; and that shitty man at the country store that stole her ten dollar bill...

"Beth, you are lovely you know." And I meant it. I set my mug down and followed her. Down two sets of stairs, and into her garage.

"Here. Here Cal." She grabbed my wrist and showed me her back seat. There he was, writhing. Like he was the victim. A helpless little victim. I put both of my hands on hers and I gently pushed her to the corner of the garage. "Let me take care of this sweet heart." She nodded with wide eyes.

I opened the door and looked at the knots tied around his ankles, around his knees, his elbows, his wrists. He must have hurt her, for my Beth to get this angry.
I ripped the tape from his mouth, and pulled the gag out, which was nothing but a black tank top from her little body. I looked at her, and noticed her quivering lips.

"So, what are you doing here? Did you have a good ride?" I looked at him ready to pounce if I needed. He was made of fat, not muscle. And he was whimpering like a child.

"She's psycho man! Do you know what it's like to breathe through your nose for so long? I could have died man." His cheap cologne and stale beer breath smothered me.

"No. I suppose I don't. I've never been in such predicaments. Tell me, what got you here?" I am stern. To the point.

"Fuck you man, untie me or I will blow a cap in you, too."

"Too?" I was pacing the room with my eyes, looking for my next move. I noticed little Beth crouched up, she looked at me and started to sob.

"It was him Cal! Him!" She sobbed while stretching her shirt out as if to hide her body. The thought of him stealing innocence from her... my initial sickness left quickly. I didn't need emotion for this.

"Him." I looked at his disgusting face. "You?"

"Get me the fuck out of here. I swear you will regret the day you were born boy!" I could taste his fear. I've waited long for this moment. So has she.

"You know what I do to men like you? Men that treat women like meat?" I looked at her again.

"I make them... the dinner."

And her and I played with our prey... far into the night.